无奈
考完试，和朋友在MSN谈了一会儿后当下的心情：
觉得自己越活越糊涂，越活越不知道自己生存的目的。没有了感情，没有了学业，没有了好朋友，我还能拥有什么？
望着落叶，纷飞，枯萎。我已经没有力气再去挽回。就让它们全都随风而去吧！眷恋，依旧。放不下的却是自己的执著。
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
考完试，和朋友在MSN谈了一会儿后当下的心情：
觉得自己越活越糊涂，越活越不知道自己生存的目的。没有了感情，没有了学业，没有了好朋友，我还能拥有什么？
望着落叶，纷飞，枯萎。我已经没有力气再去挽回。就让它们全都随风而去吧！眷恋，依旧。放不下的却是自己的执著。
well well well.. here ends another sem. it's time for final and after that, yup, HOLIDAY.. lol
good luck to all in final lo.
我想是我太感情用事了吧！好像是双鱼座的特性。哈哈。
对于每一件事情，尤其在于与人相处之际，都会尝试去付出我最真的一面。往往在付出了太多感情之后得回来的却是伤害 ，可是却从而学习了成长。
有时想想还真的要谢谢他们？
Yup.. i'm in holiday again. 10 days~
i thk i shall spend this hol the most meaningful way as best as i can.Wat i hope to do most in this hol is to reconstruct myself. Rethking bek all the things that i hv done in this sem and to find out why i will stuck in this hectic life, not finding the purpose or the role of my life.
And to decide should i give up or just continue~
Happy Hol to all my coursemates :-)
i just got my results for test 2 and it's OMG.
i just able to get half of the marks for two paper and it's very shit. i just dunno wat happen to me recently.
Bcoz i dun hv the energy to do anything at all. Though i still got many things to accomplish, such as the PT name list, the shi hua name list, ABCamp xuan chuan, my assignment (lots of them!), homework, to catch up the study, i just dun hv any intention wanna complete them.
wat i wan most now is just lie on the bed or sleep and do nothing. wat hv happen to me? i dun hv the feeling about life. May be i am boring wif this kind of university life le or izzit bcoz i am too busy wif all kind of stupid activities and i am too tired le.i dunno. wat i wan now is to feel peace? but cnt.
Recently just feel so down. Cnt even get a bit of energy to do anything. and i wan to say sorry. Sorry to all those ppl that is influenced by my bad mood. After all, i just cnt find one person that i can tell and share wif him/her all these. Just feel alone.
may be i can cope this alone? or may be i will continue my life like this? i dunno. Just dun wanna noe.
- Douglas Malloch -
If you can't be a pine on top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley - but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can't be a tree.
If you can't be a bush, be a bit of grass,
Some highway happier make;
If you can't be a muskie, then just be a bass -
But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,
There's something for all of us here,
There's big work to do, and there's lesser to do,
And the task we must do is the near.
If you can't be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can't be the sun, be a star;
It isn't by size that you win or fail -
Be the best of whatever you are!
- Helen Lowrie Marshall -
Aim for a star!
Never be satisfied
With a life that is less
than the best,
Failure lies only
in not having tried -
In keeping the soul
suppressed.
Aim for a star!
Look up and away,
And follow its
beckoning beam,
Make each Tomorrow
a better Today -
And don't be afraid
to dream.
Aim for a star, and keep
your sights high!
With a heart full of faith
within,
Your feet on the ground,
and your eyes on the sky,
Some day you are bound
to win!
"i like ABCamp"-this is the words i wrote on my envelope, the envelope that i can receive messages from whoever would like to do so during the camp. However, now i would like to say: "i REALLY like ABCamp". After the camp, i've gained dharma, friends, mental maturity and the most moST MOst important one, the way i look at everything, whether or not it's concerned to me.
Warm-heartedness, enthusiasm and devotion are the things i should have to face everything once i've decided to take part in it. For example, once i've decided to join this camp, i'll try my best to enjoy every activities that is arranged to me, rather than complaining here and there bout the transport, foods, activities etc. If it were 'me' in the past, i'm pretty sure i would do that and end up me and people around me unhappy.. Pls believe that: Emotions really affect people easily!
The second thing i've learned from this is: once i've participate in one particular thing, or when i'm doing something (whatever it is), i must pay full concentration, if not 100%, there should be 80% to 90%. Or may be in other words, more suitable i think, i shall be single-minded. Take for the simplest example, when you're having lunch, just think of having lunch but nothing else (not bout the television programmes, not bout things to accomplish later, or even not bout what you'll have for dinner). This simplest one applies to more complicated event such as completing a task. i would say, if you fail even when you have pay full attention of it, you'll have no regret.
And i wanna say oso bout 'Gan En'. Translated into English, some suitable words i think are gratitude, thanksgiving.. For every second we live, we must have the feeling of thanksgiving, even when we are eating! i kind of can feel that deeply for every moment in the camp and i'll try to apply this from here and now. Thanksgiving is such a great feeling that allows us to appreciate every moment of lives. Who are you to dare say where would you be the next minute?
Ooh ya, wanna thanks to Cheng Syen, Jean, Ban Sheng, Swee Chin.. that make me not alone for this 6D 5N, not to forget Jiun Yee that shared happy moment with me too ; ). And to ShinCy that encourages me to go this camp.. For my group 'Zheng Ding', all of you are best beST BEST (too good oredi, not much words to describe.. lol).
Wow! After 6 days 5 nights, the camp has finally ended. Tired is how i felt after coming back from the camp, and Good memories are what is left after spending all the time with all my dear friends.
Ok, well.. it's time for me to write down something before i forget, and i really hope that the feelings of mine bout this camp can retain forever but i do know that it's impossible. So, i try to jot down something here so that at least it can be kept warm and the feelings will not fade so quickly..
19/12:
This is the first day of the camp, actually at that morning i'm quite anticipate for it de coz after working for a period of time, i do really hope there are places and time for me that i can relax my mind (but later i've found out that it's indeed not a camp that relax our mind, rather it makes me think more.. :P but i never regret to go this camp). Our bus arrived there quite late, and i think they have to change a bit of the schedule to fit us (soli bout that). The first thing that has to be done is we are sorted into different groups by solving a puzzle that bears our group's name. Thanks God that i'm distributed into a group that not too good and not too bad, coz i've known some of them mah..
There is no ice-breaking games or activities that has made the situation at the beginning quite weird. U know, we are not familiar with each others and we just have to work out our group's cheer and that's make the situation more and more weird. However, i think it's a quite Good experience oso coz i've known that i'm still very weak in meeting up with strangers (i really hope that there is one day i'll become the one that can break the ice easily de).
That night we have one section where we have to choose our stand after listening to a particular story. And yes, the first thing i learned here is 'selection'. Sometimes selection does make a big difference, though at a certain time you might think that ur decision is just a minor one, nevertheless, i would say 'think again and again' before u choose coz sometimes the-seem-to-be-minor decision will really makes a BIG difference, and sometimes the consequences do not just end on that particular thing oni, it might oso affect other things that happen in the future de, who knows?
20/12:
Actually the schedule for everday is almost the same, we have to wake up early to do some meditation and read the 'chan hui ji', morning exercise, then breakfast, then talk by sifu, lunch, follow by singing section, then talk again, group discussion and presentation, dinner, talk, then meditation and read the 'chan hui ji' for several hundreds time then sleep.. zzzZZz
The courses that i've gone through this camp is almost the same de, or rather i would say it's continuing and surrounding one topic, that is 'To Understand Urself'. It's a really great topic for me coz b4 this i just start to think bout what is the meaning of life and i oso just start to get to know bout myself, i would say i'm lucky enough to hv joined this camp.. Gan En
Bout the first day.. After i heard the talk by sifu, there are some thoughts that i'm not agree with him de, so i wrote it down on the 'comments of the day' (we hv to write it every nite de). Just to express myself la and sort of wanna challange him, huh? i din think that he'll really go and read that coz there are 200 of us wor and i really salute his patience. And the other day after i received the reply from my senior, i really felt touched lo by the explanation and how they've answered my questions.. Gan En
21/12:
Today we hv talk bout the idea of death. Why do we fear it and why fear it not? Actually death seems too far for me but who knows, may be the next minute u will be gone.. LIfe is unexpectable and never try to expect what will happen the next second. What i've learned here is we really hv to appreciate each and every single second we hv and do nothing that will make u regret. Pay full attention and concentration on what is in hand and never ask what will u hv for dinner when u are having lunch.
i've found out that buddhism is not a common religion that most ppl will think, it teaches us how to live our lives and not just bout prayers. It focus on ppl and helps us to open our mind so that we rethink and rethink bout the meaning of lives..
Tonight we hv one section where we hv a some sort of psychology test where we got to know bout our own behaviour. As expected, i'm the type of person that is not aggresive, not analytical, introvert, low ketahanan, don't like to become a leader etc. All negative elements seem to gather around me, huh? At that moment, i really agree that i'm the type of person as described. However, i rethink and rethink and rethink again, and i told myself: Hey man, i do not want to be that type of person (after all, it's just a test oni rite?), i wanna live my own lives. Everyone seems me as a very quiet person when they meet me for the 1st time, but i believed that there is one day i can change this. And i'm working on it..
22/12:
Today is 'dong zhi' (in chinese,, i think it means the coming of the winter). Become older oredi after tonight.. haih ; )
The station game for today is totally different lo. i never play such a station game b4 and i sort of like it very much. In this game, we need to pursue other ppl to believe us and in the process of pursuing, i really learn a lot. Really wanna thanks to all the committee that hv planned for this game.. Gan En
Tonight we oso hv movie-sharing. It's called 'Pay it Forward'.. There is one thing i really wanna comment bout this movie: What a touching story!
23/12:
The last night in camp.. and we hv a "Gan En" night where we are given chances to voice out our comments bout the whole camp. i'm really touched by some of them and i think this is the first time since n years ago i'm feeling so touched. Thanks God i've found out that i still hv this feeling.
Ooh ya.. i think the post is too LONG oredi so i better stop here lo. i just sort of jot down something so that i can recall all this memories after this.. Gan En Gan En
i saw these interesting questions in RD and they go like this:
1. Why does the line you're in always move the slowest?
Because you're late for your kids band practice , and you curse your luck and envy those speeding by. Conversely, when you're in the fast line, unfettered by the stress, you don't even notice the poor schlubs in the slow lane. Good luck rarely commands one's attention like the bad luck.
2. Does the toast really always fall buttered-side down?
Scientists in the Ask Laskas kitchen conducted a study for which they first toasted an entired loaf of bread, one slice at a time. They buttered each slice, and dropped it from a variety of heights ranging from the tabletop to ceiling. Among their findings: A dropped piece of toast never lands on its edge; stomping your foot and yelling "Darn!" does not change a thing; and the floor in the Ask Laskas kitchen is not really as clean as we'd like. Well, life's like that. Never as neat as you'd like it to be. But keep buttering your toast. And savour every slice you've been given.
3. Why it's so hard to say you're wrong?
Because it often involves saying, "i'm sorry," which is even harder. Throughout history people have found it easier to stop speaking to one another, punch, slander, shoot and bomb rather than apologise. Tip: Next time just say "Whoops," and see what happens.
4. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life?
Any moment now. This used to be a question the young asked. Now it's a quandry for baby boomers. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that younger boomers have abandoned the American ideal of picking a job and sticking with it. Between the ages of 18 and 36, these boomers held an average of 9.6 jobs. That's a lot of exploration. The wisdom of elders in all cultures seems to be this: There's nothing to do with a life but live it. As Gandhi pointed out, "Almost anything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
5. When is your future behind you?
When you stop chasing dreams. So don't stop
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